Final Review: Hat, Sunglasses, Sunscreen and Cash

OK, you’re almost at the finish line (pun intended). Tomorrow is the 88th running of the Virginia Gold Cup and the first to feature pari-mutual wagering just like at a traditional racetrack.

So first off, bring some CASH. Yes, there will be ATMs there, but we wager (pun also intended) that there will be a line and, in the immortal words of Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

THIS IS WHAT THE WAGERING SCREEN WILL LOOK LIKE ON SATURDAY

You could borrow some cash from one of your friends, but then they would have less cash and you would have to remember who you borrowed it from and that could cause friction and that friction could cause a problem in the friendship and then he/she wouldn’t feel as guilty about flirting with your girl/boyfriend and that might lead to another break-up followed by a future wedding that you won’t get invited to and if you do get invited it will seem weird...need I go on with the rest of your life story gone horribly wrong because you didn’t save three bucks and get cash from your own bank’s ATM BEFORE you came to the Gold Cup?

I didn't think so. Life is complicated, don't bugger it up more by borrowing money from your friends.  There is an ATM on every street corner.  Use it!

Just bring some cash, because placing a wager on a Gold Cup race is going to be fun, and then WATCHING the race after placing a meager bet is way more fun than a) not watching or b) watching with nothing at stake.

(Oh yeah, and buy a program. The new Gold Cup program has all the past performances of the horses so you can make an educated guess about who is going to win...or, at the very least, you will look smart. The program costs $5, so bring some CASH.)

That brings us to sunscreen....yeah, yeah, yeah, we know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong.  You NEED your sunscreen. It will be sunny. You will be outside all day.  You NEED your sunscreen. Capiche?

NOT A GOOD LOOK...AND, IT HURTS

Hat. Hats are optional, but they do look cool and they reduce the need for sunscreen.  We recommend the hat for both the men and the women.  Different hats, of course, but hats.

Sunglasses are also a bit of a must. It’s very GREEN at Great Meadow, that green reflects a lot of light. The large amounts of sunny, beautiful light makes you squint. Squinting gives you crow’s feet. Nobody wants crows feet not even the crows who are constantly shopping at Zappos looking to cover up their nasty wrinkled feet.  Crows feet and other wrinkles to your forehead caused by squinting will eventually require botox and cause partial paralysis of your lovely face.  That and botox ain’t cheap.

Sooooooo....wear your sunglasses.

Wear a hat.

Put on the damn sunscreen!

Bring some cash!

HAVE FUN!

(Andy Lyons/Getty Images)