TRUMP HOLDS PRESSER TO ANNOUNCE HE’S NOT COMING TO GOLD CUP

Well, that’s one less helicopter we have to sort out with the Virginia State Police.

Real estate developer, hit television show host, zillionaire, hairpiece aficionado and erstwhile Presidential candidate Donald Trump held a news conference yesterday and he never once mentioned the Virginia Gold Cup.   

Not even once.  Damn, Donald.

(Matthew Cavanaugh/Getty Images North America)

Clearly preoccupied with the current President’s birth certificate, Trump, a master of spin who has popularized the phrase “you're fired,” reversed field suggesting his constant carping about who was born where was actually beneficial to the leader of the Free World.  And he did mention that he is still bummed out about having to fire Gary Busey from Celebrity Apprentice.

Gary Busey and Mark McGrath on the set of Celebrity Apprentice

Officials at the Virginia Gold Cup headquarters in Warrenton, VA reviewed the tapes several times to determine the impact that Trump’s statement may have on Virginia’s most famous horse race and largest outdoor picnic and cocktail party.  After about the fourth view, a consensus was reached:  Nothing.  No impact whatsoever.

Based on the fact that Trump never mentioned the famous horse race the first Saturday in May, we were unable to reach any conclusion other than “he won’t be coming.”

After conducting significant additional research, Gold Cup officials also have determined that no other Presidential candidates are likely to attend either.